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Sunday, June 11, 2006

The Marriage Drug

   The newlyweds are home! And immediately I noticed something peculiar about them. They walk around here glassy-eyed, stopping occasionally to gaze at each other with syrupy smiles. At first I thought it was merely jet lag, and there's some of that for sure, but that alone canít explain this behavior. They both seem eerily peaceful, beyond bother, disembodied, almost otherworldly. A fifteen percent drop in the investment portfolio used to produce concern, today it was met with a yawn. The hustle Ďn bustle of a new week of work and research used to cause anxiety on Sunday, today it was, ďOh, ho-hum.Ē This morning N (now legally Mom) floated about the backyard with her cinnamon-infused, nutmeg-dusted latte pruning overgrowth. Master folded laundry like it was something he had waited his whole life to do. Iím telling you, theyíre both totally imperturbable and itís totally creepy. Totally.

   The highlight of the honeymoon, such as it was, was a kayak trip in Resurrection Bay. Master, being the novice, commanded the front seat of the double while Mom, being the expert, captained the rear seat. Masterís paddle technique evidently left something to be desired. Nevertheless, they left from Millerís Landing and nearly made it to Caines Head.


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      FAQ

What's an Upright?

Upright: noun : a by and large bipedal companion, also referred to as a human being.

What's a Cheechako?

Cheechako: noun : a person new to Alaska who has come with the intention to live here.

Who's Master?

Master: pronoun : just the finest upright on the face of the earth, that's who! To read him is to love him.

What's Dogdom?

Dogdom: noun : Life's venue from a dog's point of view.

What's a Sourdough?

Sourdough: noun : A long time Alaskan who has an automatic suspicion of cheechakos.

What does Outside mean?

Outside: noun : A provincial reference to somplace other than Alaska; usually the lower 48.

What's Breakup?

Breakup: noun : A uniquely Alaskan season between winter and spring when the snow and ice begins to melt for good.

Where is SquareBanks?

SquareBanks: slang : A self-evident euphemism for a place widely known as Fairbanks, AK.

Where can I read the Houston Trip?

Houston Trip: vignette : Here

What digital camera do you use?

Camera: hardware : Canon Powershot A80 (4.0 MP)

Who's Mom?

Mom: Hottie : Have A Look

What's a Squeakamunka?

Squeakamunka: noun : your ordinary gray squirrel which can be seen everywhere in our Cleveland neighborhood!


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