Go Ahead
Had to call our Internet provider this morning. We pay for 10 Mbps but lately have received only 1 Mbps. I called to inform them they owe me 9 mega bits times all the seconds of reduced speed we’ve experienced. IOW, a lot of mega bits.
“Hello, my name is Luna. Who am I speaking with?”
“Rod.”
“Hello Rob, how may I…”
“No, Rod, like Rocket Rod.”
“Oh, I am very sorry, Rod, how may I help you today.”
“The speed of my internet connection the last few days has been one mega bit per second. It should be ten. Can somebody fix this?”
“I would be very happy to help you with this, Rod. May I have your date of birth?”
“What?”
“For security purposes, Rod.”
“Same day as Ronald Regan.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Don’t be. Could be worse, like Hitler or something.”
“I’m sorry, Rod, I didn’t get…”
“Kidding, Luna!” I tell her my date of birth.
“Thank you very much, Rod. I can help you now. So I understand your connection speed is one mega bit per second, and you have already reset your modem, is this correct, Rod?”
“I’m sorry, Luna, before I can answer your question I need your date of birth.”
Dead silence.
“Luna, kidding! Yes, everything you said is right.”
“Okay, what I’m going to go ahead and do, Rod, is I’m going to go ahead and call our support group and have them go ahead and look into if there are any problems with your connection. Can I go ahead and put you on hold while I do that, Rod?”
“Go ahead.”
Battery on cell phone drops from 70 to 50 percent. Hold music sounds like Kenny G in a beer can. Over and over it repeats. Finally, Luna returns with the news. And it ain’t good.
“Rod, are you still there?”
“Barely. My birth date is unchanged but I feel a lot older for the wait.”
“I am terribly sorry for the long wait, Rod. I went ahead and called our service department but they must be very busy because I’m still on hold with them.”
“Must be verifying your birth date, huh?”
“I’m sorry, Rod?”
“Nevermind.”
“Rod, instead of having you wait can I go ahead and get your number and call you back after they tell me what they have found?”
“Go ahead.”
Silence.
“Hello, Rod, are you still there?”
“Yes, no where else to go.” I tell Luna my number.
“Thank you, Rod, I will call you back, hopefully shortly.”
Another joke comes to mind. I spare Luna the frivolity of my mood.
“Can’t wait, Luna. Thank you.”