How many Armstrongs does it take to bicycle to the moon? Note to competitors: Doping will not be tolerated. Enforcement: Blood samples (A & B) will be automatically collected by an intravenous device affixed to each participant prior to leaving earth. Samples will be assayed randomly every 25K miles, roughly ten times, by a nano-module intrinsic to the collection device. A positive test for a banned substance (see appendix) in both samples will trigger the instant disintegration of the cyclist’s Lycra compression suit, leading to sudden ebullism, and, consequently, disqualification. There is no appeal in a vacuum.