Jill was at the stoplight with Brake Hold On presently amused at the display on the trunk of the car stopped in front of hers. What an uncanny resemblance! – the Tesla icon and the international symbol for the Intrauterine Device, aka the IUD. Wait, the Tesla magnate has fathered fourteen children (so far), having commingled his seed with that of multiple mothers, maximizing natural selection’s expected value function. Because every incurious evolutionary biologist knows believes, above all else, that more and better offspring is the one and only True Imperative encoded in every organism’s DNA. When the Tesla magnate was a mere two cells old, Nature decreed his Purpose, he would divide over and over again. What scientists cannot explain is why this avatar of reproductive success would then seek a brand icon that in essence memifys a widely used antagonist of reproductive success. Ninety-nine out of one-hundred times the IUD, both hormonal and non- types, will thwart the spermatozoon from fertilizing its target. Certain types are in fact medievally cruel in their mechanism of action – these are made of copper, ions of which act to poison the spermatozoa. Jill herself had no explanation to account for this apparent opposition of “as-if” goals. It made no sense to her; supposedly, according to the theory, from deep inside the nucleus the genes direct the organism to make more babies, but then inexplicably reverse course, and direct the organism to advocate for fewer babies. Huh?
Jill long ago had read a book by a self important author. While out on tour promoting this book the author glibly dismissed a questioner who’d asked why, if all organisms including humans had been “as-if” designed by natural selection for the ultimate Purpose of reproductive success, he himself had no children evidencing his inescapable Purpose? Because I’ve told my genes they can go to hell! he snapped. A burst of smug laughter went up from the audience muffling the questioner’s followup. That question was: Wait, the genes purposing your gonads are the same genes purposing your brain (its thoughts and desires), this is boilerplate MolBio, so same genes and one Purpose then how is it that the “as-if” goal of the brain could co-exist in opposition to the gonads? The conundrum had always stuck with Jill. Try as she might, and for the past thirty years she really had tried to listen, if the Purpose of one’s life was revealed in the inner voice her own had been silent on the matter. Likewise, Russ, her husband, swore he never heard a thing. Throughout all the years of married life together, it wasn’t Russ’ and Jill’s genes exhorting them to make babies. No, the ultimate Purpose of their existence had to be explained to them by certain cajoling voices within their friend group. In every case, parents themselves.
Friday was the bleakest of the work week, today expressed in an overcast sky with water swollen clouds sagging like the salmon-sated bellies of bears. Jill was driving to work after passage of the recent RTO mandate. She reached up and pushed the button to close the sunroof, it had begun raining. The light turned green and all on its own her foot moved to the gas pedal but her stiletto got caught up in the dish of the floor mat. She fidgeted to free it. Barking horns went off in unison behind her. In the side-view mirror, two cars back, Jill saw the gesticulating arm of the driver extended out the window no doubt wishing her well. Fuck you too she said to herself. You try walking in these all day. She managed to separate from the shoe then mashed the gas pedal with her stocking’d foot. The Audi lurched forward. She’d almost closed the gap with the Tesla when another driver shot into her lane and closed it for her. Now the stocking’d foot slammed the brake. Oh, look at that, this one’s got a Baby On Board. Another Evolutionary Success. How Purposeful! How good for you! Wait, she recognized this car, the head of the driver too. It was Russ’ co-worker, Ginny was it? – a new hire and proselytizer for the emerging Pro-natalist Movement mostly via her Substack The Gene Pool that she’d giddily touted to Jill at the unironically organized pool party she and Russ had regretted RSVP’ing YES to the past weekend, had recently been reborn with over 200K subscribers. I had to pause posting for six months when the triplets arrived she’d said to Jill poolside but hold on I told the fanbase I shall return! Triplets because so often that’s the case with IVF which Ginny and her husband several years after their first two boys were born had to resort to owing to the inexplicable loss of Purpose in Ginny’s eggs and had paid for with an early withdrawal from the ol’ 401K balance. You gotta do what you gotta do Ginny told Jill knocking back another mocktail so do it with Purpose I write to my subscribers – live with Purpose! Ginny giddily said to Jill I can introduce you to the new Moms here while virtually pirouetting on bare feet and ceremoniously sweeping her arm to acknowledge the present partygoers as might have Eve revealing the fertility of the garden on that very first day on earth. Jill to Ginny: I’m good, thanks.