Rod’s Theory of Weather

Kuh raaay zee weather here recently. It accords with Rod’s theory of weather, one feature of which has it there is only so much warm air swirling around the planet at any given time, it can’t be everywhere at once (see law of Omnipresence) yet it must be somewhere at every time. The past two weeks it’s been here and, evidently, not in the Midwest.

Fifty in Anchorage last Friday. Five-oh. In January.

Forties for days before and after that.

Today? Forty three and sunny. Mid to high thirties the rest of the week.

Snow. What’s that? Oh sure, we have some orphaned patches left here and there, stubborn mounds of plowed snow lurking in the shadows unvisited day to day by our feeble January sun. But a lot of it is gone now, melted by the warm days and nights we’ve had the past week or more.

Like warm air snow can’t be everywhere all the time. Proof: The Richardson highway, the only road into and out of the City of Valdez. Usually snow is content to be on the mountains. When it’s not, it prefers to smother hundreds of feet of roadway.

One estimate I heard said the avalanche was over 50′ in places.

I have a plan to clear it!

An Alaskan chain gang. Empty the state’s prisons for a few days, hand each prisoner a pair of gloves and a shovel. I’ve never understood how one’s debt to society is settled through atrophy in prison anyway. Indeed, one could argue that increases the debt to society. No, I say put ’em to work, get some fresh air. It’s not like they’re going to get away out there, there’s only one road to guard, a road that happens to be flanked for tens of miles by towering, implacable mountains.

Fresh solutions to age old problems is what we need.