Canis lupus familiaris

Let us consider the gross anatomy of the canine ear, shall we.

You have your external, middle, and inner ear; vertical and horizontal canals; the drum; the tympanic membrane; a network of finely articulated bones, the cochlear round (the snail looking feature), and so forth. The entire apparatus is connected through the cochlear of the inner ear via the auditory nerve to the brain. The nerve functions to carry sound waves (vibrations) to the brain, where the sounds are interpreted. Sounds like, for example, “Come Harry. Harry come!” In a normal dog whose name is Harry this would instantly trigger a cascade of activity in the brain eventually culminating in a vast network of signals sent through the nerve trunk to the muscles, instructing them to turn the dog and have it begin to run (I’d accept walking) back to its upright. Me or Happy Wife, for example.

That’s the theory anyway.

Now, if the dog named Harry happens to be an Airedale…well, evidently the normal path of sound transmission to the brain is, shall we say, altered. Evidently, instead of sounds being transmitted directly to the cerebral cortex for processing, in the Airedale brain (such as it is) they instead are diverted to a kind of “queue” shall we say, wherein the sound signals become held up or “delayed.” Consequently, owing to this delayed transmission of sound, and quite unlike the example of the normal dog, Airedales, when called, remain blissfully unaware they have been given a command. This “feature” of Airedales has been widely interpreted as selective hearing.

It’s the theory I prefer.

Now, some brave souls who have invested considerable time and effort trying to train Airedales (dubious I know) have a different interpretation. They think Airedales’ ears and brains are connected up just like normal dogs, there is no “queue” and the sounds pass directly to the cerebral cortex, but it’s there that they get hung up. They say that because Airedales philosophize over the sounds, which takes some time, that it only appears they have selective hearing. Under this interpretation, far from having a “compromised auditory faculty” (translated: they don’t listen!!), Airedales are in fact brainy.

Ahem.

Either way, one thing is unmistakeably certain about these beasts (I’ve had 5 now), they are peerless among canines for bringing out the love when seeking pardon for times of selective hearing.